Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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