I just saw a hot homeless man
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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