as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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