My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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