3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
