someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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