It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
