who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
