im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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