So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
