Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
