Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize