please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
