He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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