you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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