If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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