In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
