I can tuck mytits in my pants
Small penises have feelings too.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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