Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
