I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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