If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
