...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
