is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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