remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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