I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
