Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
