the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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