hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
