Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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