It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
