my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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