This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
