so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
