Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
