and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
