KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
