Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
