the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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