i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
