I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
