so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole