I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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