forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home