Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.

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  (215): i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies. http://tfl.nu/atqm
  Replies (8) Good night (1792) Bad night (1124)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

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  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1387) Bad night (5579)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything

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  (954): just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything http://tfl.nu/6c7y
  Replies (20) Good night (4011) Bad night (2022)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.

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  (505): well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop. http://tfl.nu/fta9
  Replies (14) Good night (5596) Bad night (789)
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  (818): View more from California

  I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

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  (818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op
  Replies (24) Good night (7133) Bad night (920)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

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  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (9049) Bad night (1386)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.

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  (732): obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong. http://tfl.nu/4d0b
  Replies (19) Good night (1023) Bad night (6444)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.

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  (678): For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you. http://tfl.nu/2vfg
  Replies (1) Good night (3502) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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  (409): The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens. http://tfl.nu/kai5
  Replies (44) Good night (3816) Bad night (1050)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex

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  (215): I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex http://tfl.nu/v0s4
  Replies (5) Good night (2453) Bad night (616)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.

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  (+44): Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing. http://tfl.nu/5vch
  Replies (3) Good night (1917) Bad night (689)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.

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  (918): Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages. http://tfl.nu/6dga
  Replies (5) Good night (1333) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.

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  (575): Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end. http://tfl.nu/gjro
  Replies (10) Good night (1553) Bad night (833)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.

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  (715): It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection. http://tfl.nu/qz8n
  Replies (16) Good night (1824) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.

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  (920): No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight. http://tfl.nu/0s2q
  Replies (4) Good night (777) Bad night (675)

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