Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.