soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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