I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
