And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
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He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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