dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
