umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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