"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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