shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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