So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
