went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.