He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL