i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.