is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.