It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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