the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just tell him i said nine months
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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