this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize