can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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