Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
